May 24,
2015
Today I relapsed again. My parents, children, and most
importantly my wife will be disappointed in me. I just needed it so bad. I
needed the high, it kept messing with me. I couldn’t think, concentrate, work,
or do anything. I could only think of it. It tortures me every day! I feel
depressed and have no motivation or drive. Life just doesn’t feel important
anymore, it’s boring and nothing brings me joy.
I just want my life to go back to what it was like before I tried it,
became hooked and an addict. I look in the mirror and I’m not the young man
before, who felt he could face anything in the world. I’m a middle-aged man
with kids and a lovely wife. People I have to support. If work finds out
they’ll test me and fire me. We’re broke enough as is, I can’t afford to waste
money on this ugly habit. I just hope like last time, that this was the last time.
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